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Sunday, April 30, 2017

The Town of Mohaba

THE TOWN OF MOHABA
by Nazanin Marzban
 "To save their magical town from frightening souls, Death uses his superpowers with a help of his immortal friend and female warrior to unravel the mysteries inside a mansion which holds the key to destroying them. But a shocking event alters their plans embarking them on a journey of time where they encounter extraordinary creatures."
We kept hoping the sun would shine over the trees again. Instead, the dark miserable clouds that spread from the mountains out over the town remained. Mohaba’s residents had gotten used to the ugly weather, unending rains, and dark gray clouds. How would their town be bright and full of life when demons possessed every corner of it? It had not been a pleasant place to live for its people, their parents, grandparents and even their great-grandparents.
Some of the people ran away in the hopes of finding a neighboring town. The ones remaining had no access to any news. They did not know if their friends, neighbors, or family members who managed to get away were alive or dead. I know what happened to them. None of them survived. They were the lucky ones. The unlucky ones were the ones who had not ran away, who were left behind. Like them, I worried for my survival after many failed attempts to save Mohaba. I discovered I could not protect them if I could not protect myself. No choice remained considering what would be at stake. Without me on the earth, there would be no life after death.
Strange things began to happen in Mohaba after the takeover of evil souls, known as the Devols. Residents opened their doors to be confronted by monsters. Rumors spread about horrible things happening inside and outside everyone’s homes. Most people cowered inside their houses. They sentenced themselves and their families to lives in the shadows to avoid becoming prey.
The town that had once been so beautiful that life could be seen in everything that moved lay in the shadow of evil. It is astonishing to me how its humans survived centuries of torture. I guess they never felt the need to migrate elsewhere. Most of them had not known any better. They did not know about the outside world. They got used to Mohaba’s depressing weather, unaware of the town’s magical past.
There were no more luminous sunny days making the apple trees glow in Mohaba. All the apples were gone, eaten by worms, and the remains had turned into dried up seeds. Only sounds of grief and sadness permeated the town. Soon after the Devol’s insurrection, Mohaba’s shiny blue sea turned gray, the wild waves dulled as the sun vanished. The profound salt smell in the air annoyed the senses and muted emotions. The sands blinded while inside the ocean, heaven still existed. The external darkness hid the beauty hiding under the surface while the depressing clouds covered the entire town from the seashore to its far borders.
Days quickly turned into decades. I had not imagined these evil beings to be anything more dangerous than a tornado moving violently through the air. I believed to be the strongest force in the spirit world. I did not dare to battle with them alone. They discovered a way to take over any living being other than their own kind. Soon, I found myself taking care of the souls of the deceased instead of saving them.
Mohaba was viewed by the Devols, as a region to guard against any godlike creatures. No heaven existed if they protected the only district that held sacred treasures threatening their existence. Humans felt the Devols as a cold wind passing through. To afterlife and immortal souls, they appeared visible. Most of them looked like black ghosts and murky clouds wafting through the air. At night, their red eyes shone with yellow fires. It revealed if they possessed a creature. Over the centuries, some of their possessed animals adapted into a Devol.

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25 comments:

  1. What a wonderful story, it could be talking about what is going on in the Middle East today with the Devol being todays rise in evil in that area.
    The story is well writen and draws you into the dark world of the Devol.
    I wanted to read more to find out if the beautiful town of Mohaba would rise from the Devol and return to its former beauty.
    Lovely story

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  2. I totally agree with the comment above and likewise want also to find out if Mohaba will indeed rise from the Devol and return to it's previous beauty?
    Great Story.

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  3. The preface of "The Town of Mohaba - Part 1 - Death", keeps the reader engaged and yearning for more. This seems to be a well written fantasy novel that beautifully creates the scene for the reader and allows you to travel through the mind of the author and become part of the story. I look forward to reading the full series soon.

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  4. Interesting, clearly for a public that loves the genre.

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  5. In so few words "The Town of Mohaba - Part 1 - Death" draws us into the mysterious dark world of the narrator, who seems to be facing insurmountable struggles in rescuing the town from the evil invaders. This short passage leaves the reader with many questions and a desire to find their answers.

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  6. I’m intrigued! This short excerpt builds a dark and mysterious setting. I am left wondering more about the town of Mohaba, its past and its unfortunate residents. I’m left wondering what is next - I look forward to reading the full novel.

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  7. As evil holds reign over a town desperately seeking to regain its happiness, you begin to picture the scenery of this enchanting town. You can feel the emotions of the people mourning for their joy as they cry in melancholy which in turn evokes vivid emotions within the reader. Despite this being a fantasy, the themes of good vs. evil and the innate desire for freedom are relatable. I personally think this story appeals to a varied audience and can connect with people from all walks of life.

    Like the comments made above, I have many questions that I can’t wait to explore and have answered. Why couldn’t they protect the town of Mohaba? Who are these spirits that reside here? What will be the fate of this town and the characters involved? Why did the Devols possess Mohaba and how? Will this story become more tragic or will righteousness prevail? I anticipate a magical and thrilling twist. As an avid reader and fantasy genre fan, I can’t help but wonder if this could become the next ‘Harry Potter’ of the reading world. I’m anticipating reading this story in its entirety!

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  8. A good story with very good writing.
    The writing is poetic ... with emotion and description.

    Good luck!

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  9. Beautiful story. It is very brief but I got hooked right after the first paragraph. Good job!

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  10. Needs editing to tighten up the narrative. I tried to read the text but stumbled over unnecessary adjectives and overwriting that slowed development of the plot. Send this novel to an editor.

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  11. I really enjoyed reading the description of the town and the people in it. Really excited to read more and find out what will happen.

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  12. Afsaneh MahyariMay 4, 2017 at 8:37 PM

    The Town of Mohaba, a treat for young readers, satisfies one's fantasy and desire for good to win over evil. You can feel the narrator's deep emotions. You can guess he is a male who has a big role to play and responsibility. The author does a superb job creating the background of the town without going too much into details. It is not easy to create a town that hasn't existed before. I now believe it does. You can tell that a lot of time was put into creating it. Well done! It is not easy to get readers hooked. I'm finding myself wanting to find out what is going to happen next. I can't wait to read it when it becomes available.

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  13. Good story, this is a manuscript shared for its potential. I disagree with the professional editing comment, that is something that gets done after. The author has done a great job drawing in the reader and I can see this story doing well, good luck.

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  14. I'm intrigued and curious. From the brief summary, I noticed the story is told by Death. He seems to be a superhero as opposed to a scary beast who takes lives. I can't wait to see how it plays out.

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  15. For the fourth time, I've read it(The Town of Mohaba).
    It was eloquently written.

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  16. I really, really enjoyed this story. (Evocative,
    soulful)

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  17. Exciting, thrilling and mind blowing. This is a wonderful story that makes you wonder about the town of Mohaba and it's relevance to the current world we live in.

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  18. I like this book. People who are interested in fantasy and mystery fiction will most probably be interested in reading it.

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  19. I am a huge fan of Si-Fi/Fantasy type books and movies like Harry potter, Lord of the Rings, Hobbits, princes Bride and etc, same as billions of other people, which is the cause that the above mentioned books/movies made millions/billions of Dollars.
    I consider myself a very good judge of books that have made it big and therefore, I believe that this book is headed the same direction as the others.
    Furthermore, many people who live in unfortunate parts of the world that are tormented by unworthy rulers, war, crisis and etc that causes them to flee their own homes and country will relate to this book tremendously in many different ways, which will draw them closer to the town of Mohaba and embarrass it with devoted emotions.
    When I started to read it (even-though I was at work) I could not stop reading it till the end, therefore, I am impatiently waiting to receive the real book to read it completely to see what happens at the end.
    My hat's off to the writer and I wish them all the best in their future pursuits and successes. I am %100 positive that this book will make it big ;-)

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  20. “Town of Mohaba” is very thought provocative. It reminds me of some countries like Syria. The author eloquently describes the story and the place that the event happened. In fact, the use of expressive and descriptive language created moods, built tension and described emotions.

    As I was reading it, I could imagine myself there. It shows one’s power of writing. I look forward to reading the rest to see if the characters that were set off overcome the obstacles they face along the way and can get peace, beauty, and security back to the city,

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  21. I believe this is the second novel by the young author Nazanin Marzban, and it is even more captivating than the first one. One cannot help but getting pulled into the plot even after reading just a few paragraphs. There is a sense of doom and sadness in the starting paragraphs. It almost felt as though the author herself lived in Mahaba and experienced the evil like Devols.

    I, also, shared the gloom of Mahaba and felt a strong urge to root for its people. It is not easy to grab the readers so quickly and have them personalize the circumstances in the plot. In that respect, the young author writes like a veteran story teller.

    This is a good book and has the potential to be adapted as a Screen Play for a big budget movie like Star Wars.

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  22. I am very excited for the novel to continue. Good and Evil and the many paths taken. What paths will be chosen?

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  23. It is a great excerpt from an author with lots of potential.

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  24. My congratulation to Nazanin for writing this wonderful fantasy story and I am sure this story can be amazing story for making interesting film. Dear Nazanin God bless you.

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